Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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