His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
