Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
