so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
