He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
