Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
