uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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