he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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