Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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