I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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