We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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