I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
