I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
