Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
