if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
