no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
