Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
