Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
