Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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you made out with another girl for some wings
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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