I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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