p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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