my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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