and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
