i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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