Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
