I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
