My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
