Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
