He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
