WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
