Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
third nipple confirmed
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
