apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
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My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
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my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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