From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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