She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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