tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
