it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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