why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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