My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
