....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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