Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
