I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
