Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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