JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize