Are we in a gay sports bar?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
