No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
