haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
