You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
