Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
