Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
