i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
