I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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