I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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