and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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