wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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