I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
