somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
