Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
