I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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