he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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