Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
